Seventh Son Movie Review (Spoiler Free)

A muddled fantasy that mistakes nonsense for magic. Jeff Bridges slurs his way through witch hunts in a tale best forgotten.

Genre: Action / Adventure / Fantasy

Director: Sergei Bodrov

Cast: Jeff Bridges, Ben Barnes, Julianne Moore, Alicia Vikander, Antje Traue, Olivia Williams, Djimon Hounsou, Jason Scott Lee, John DeSantis & Kit Harington.

Run Time: 102 min.

US Release: 06 February 2015

UK Release: 27 March 2015

German Release: 05 March 2015

Fantasy and Science Fiction are some of my favourite genres when it comes to film. Growing up with Star Wars, the epic saga that managed to combine both, I am always on the lookout for promising new sci-fi or fantasy flicks. When I heard of this production, I was thrilled, not only would there be a movie that looked like a blending of Asian and Western lore, but it would also be starring Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore.

When news of constant delays hit the net, I started to worry about this movie, and well, I can assure you that this early 2015 fantasy flick is not worth buying on DVD or Blu-Ray, nor worth spending your hard-earned cash in cinemas. Seventh Son is absolutely disappointing in nearly all aspects. It has a weak plot structure, the characters are flat like paper and the dialogue... Well, I would rather not go there. I was hoping so bad for this to turn out half decent, but little-known director Sergey Bodrov managed to crash and burn with this one. Ben Barnes has as much charisma as a tree trunk, and the only half-decent parts of this movie are Julianne Moore, Alicia Vikander and Jeff Bridges.

The movie revolves around an old witch-hunting “spook” (Bridges) named John Gregory and his apprentice Tom Ward (Barnes), who is a young pig herder. Ward, being the seventh son of a seventh son, is given to Gregory to be trained as a new spook, and both embark on a mission to kill the nearly all-powerful witch Mother Malkin. There are a few twists here and there, though they can be spotted a mile away.

I have no problem at all engaging in a plot about witches and witch-hunters set in a medieval timeline if it is written and directed well, but the narrative of this movie is simply boring! The most intriguing part is the end fight. Unfortunately, very little happened in between, and for a movie that is a one-hundred-and-two-minute-long fantasy flick, this is appalling. I can't even begin to explain the existential meaning of this movie, as there seemingly is none.

Overall, it felt like the plot was advancing too fast, without something happening at the same time. There is also never an explanation of what it is that makes the seventh son of a seventh son so special, and given that it is the title of this film, it should have been explored more.

One of the more pleasing parts of this movie is the scenery of forests and rivers, while the rest is rather mediocre. Not even the one big city we get to see in this movie, which looked like a partial rip-off from The Lord of the Rings, looks satisfying. The computer-generated monsters and dragons don't hold up and feel straight out cheap at times. I will give credit, though, to the amusing fight between Jeff Bridges and the man-bear.

Jeff Bridges plays the most entertaining character in this movie. He obviously did the best he could with what he was given. Unfortunately, he actually seems to have been drunk in most of the scenes, something I wouldn’t hold against him. Then there is the issue with Bridges’ accent? It sounded like he was trying to pull off a Bane from The Dark Knight Rises.

Julianne Moore is by far the best thing in this movie, even though her evil character could have been more threatening and dark. She did a terrific job, and I was very pleased to see her and Bridges together in a movie again.

The weakest link in this movie is Ben Barnes. I don’t like the actor; he has no charisma or depth, and his role in the film was a whining and pretentious no one. Tom Ward always does the contrary of what Gregory tells him to do, and puts himself and others in danger. The only thing that makes him remotely interesting was his relationship to Alicia Vikander’s character, which, by the way, I can’t wait to see her in Ex-Machina later this year.

Do I really have to talk about the dialogue?  There is not much to say about it, except that it is bad. The in-jokes are childish and not funny at all, and most of the time, it felt like the characters were not listening to one another, but just talking over each other. The only time I can say that two characters were truly engaging each other was during the conversations between Alice and Ward, and even then, it felt too rushed.

The chemistry between Gregory and Ward is completely dysfunctional, something that is represented in each conversation they have. Another flawed relationship is that of Mother Malkin and Gregory, as with Alice and Ward, it felt rushed and forced. The big “twist” delivered through a heart-to-heart moment between Bridges and Barns doesn't come as a big surprise, yet it feels completely out of place.

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Verdict: Some of the weakest dialogue deliveries came from the side characters in this fantasy tale. Djimon Hounsou’s over-the-top acting and Olivia Williams’ boring being did not exactly contribute to this mediocre fantasy blockbuster. Considering everything, Seventh Son is not the worst movie I have seen. The real problem I have with this movie is that it has no direction or reason to exist; it is simply there. Therefore, I'll give it a 4.0 out of 10.